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Friday, 27 April 2012

Sleep On It
I've just been employed in what should have been an enjoyable and fruitful task. Instead I felt like ripping out my womb, stamping on it and feeding it to the local pigeons. Why? Because finding a nightshirt or pyjamas that isn't emblazoned with a fucking cartoon character is almost as impossible as finding a Jeremy Kyle show participant with a full set of teeth.
What the frig is this national obsession with making grown women's nightwear look as if it came from Mothercare? In every way, women are able to buy clothes that are fitting for every age and situation, that is until they stumble into any given nightwear department. Then they get transported through some sort of Disney wormhole where they're expected to go to bed displaying anything from Tinkerbell and Minnie Mouse to cuddly sheep and even chomping dairy cows.
At best this is a crashing inability for shops to provide women with what they want. At worst it's some creepy attempt to rob women of their personalities, rendering them childlike and, presumably, vulnerable.Tell me. Which grown woman would want to go to bed looking as if they're still knocking around with Barbie dolls? 
That's when the search for something less childlike becomes a challenge. You can find it - of course you can - but that's when you start straying into the highly-flammable territory, all strappy slips and satin numbers. Which forces female shoppers into two distinct roles, both of them creepily suited to their menfolk.
Seriously, I've just had a trawl through a store for a new nightshirt and the selection was weirdly identical to that in the section for 2-6 year old girls. I'm amazed that Gary Glitter isn't part of its advertising campaign.
So, when it comes to getting into the sack, can we start treating women like women? No, not like kids and no, not like potential shags but simply like women who are completely fucking knackered. Sweet dreams? How about swapping that for shopping nightmares?

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At 21 June 2012 at 15:27 , Blogger Cutie Candy Pop said...

For this post I want to buy you a drink, or several. I also found when I was looking for maternity clothing I couldn't find anything casual or comfortable that didn't have some hideous slogan on it with the likes of 'Yummy Mummy' or 'Love my bump'. It makes my heart pump purple piss.

At 22 June 2012 at 00:50 , Blogger The Kraken said...

I feel your pain CCP. It's vile isn't it? I wanted to find a maternity top that said something like "If you touch my bump again I'm going to kick you to death".


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