Hot Shots

Britney? Is there a Britney?

Could someone tell me why most of the world has a problem with Starbucks asking customers' names when they order coffee? You'd think that the corporate coffee-splashers had announced that it was going to force babies into its blenders, such has been the bloody fuss. 
Look, having your name scrawled across your coffee cup has got to be easier than the previous system which depended on little more than the balance of frigging probabilities to get orders right. You get more than one customer demanding a grande skinny macchiato and you are, technically speaking, fucked. As the parched hoards cluster around the Starbucks counter all it takes is for two of them to expect the same brew and it's all out chaos. At least if you've got your monika written all over the cup you're not going to have to kick to death the bloke who's wrongly lunged for your lungo.
And what's with the bleating about this name business being patronising? For fuck's sake, hardly. It's only patronising if you really do believe that Starbucks gives a shit about your name. Thankfully, intelligent beings will not only understand that this is just an easier way of buying a coffee but that it'd take one fuck of a lot more than this little 'ploy' to create brand loyalty. 
Anyway, what a great excuse to try out a few name changes on the Starbucks foam-fondlers. Seymour Butts. Ivor Longhorn. Barry van Hire. Max E. Pad....
And there are people who want to go back to having the word cappuccino hollered at them? For fuck's sake, spare me.