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Thursday, 26 July 2012

Pots of Toss
Know where you can stick that finger?
People can be such wankers, don't you think? Yes, wankers. And why am I telling you this? Because I am sick to shit of the theory, most oft-spouted at parents, that if they find any aspect of parenting so tough that they grumble about it then they should never have had kids in the first place.
What in the giddy pits of fuck does this even mean? At its best it's an opinion for the hard of thinking. At its worst it's an opinion worthy of the Third Reich. Put it this way, it's the sort of opinion that's banged out by either the Dail Mail or the Jeremy Vine Show. Like I say, the hard of thinking or the Third Reich. Or even hard of thinking members of the Third Reich. Yeah, yeah, that's more like it.
First, what in the fuck is wrong with making a major, life changing decision and then finding that aspects of it that are harder than you thought they'd be? Suddenly parents are supposed to be tele-frigging-pathic, not just making decisions to spawn but also seeing forty years into the future. Picture it now: "You know, I'd love to have a child but seeing as I'll be fucking livid with said child at 3.15pm on Monday 23 June 2026 I don't think I'll bother." 
More than that, what exactly is wrong with the people who make the "Then you shouldn't have..." statements? Fuck me, how joyful it must be to be so perfect that you'd never found the consequences of a decision difficult, surprising or plain old disappointing. Based on their clearly supreme powers of reasoning it's fair to assume that these arseholes also have perfect careers, relationships, hobbies and even shitting routines. So you know that job they took back in 2005? They have never ever had a single grumble about it. Not one. Otherwise, if they have, then they shouldn't have taken the job should they?
And finally, as they say, what in the frig is with this vow of silence that parents are supposed to keep? Because according to the 'shouldn't have' knob ends, once you've chosen the child-rearing path you must never, ever speak of the pains, gripes and upsets that you experience along the way. Even though every day of childrearing includes at least one moment of distress, such incidents must be tucked away like dirty secrets, just in case complete strangers find them distasteful. Heaven forfend that you should have a perfectly human reaction to getting three hours sleep, a cleavage full of vomit and an hour of last minute algebra homework. 
You know, I like to think that people who trot out the 'shouldn't have' line are the most pathetic creatures of all. They really do not have a clue, do they? Not only do they wrongly assume superiority over the rest of the humankind but they have the reasoning abilities of rotting owl pellets. They've clearly never lived either, obvious from their distressingly simplistic view of what it takes to live that life. If you've never made a bad decision then you've probably never made a decision and that results in one big bowl of fuck all. 
Expect me to prefer that to a life of highs, lows and surprises? Then I'm sure the Daily Mail or Jeremy Vine would love to hear about it.


At 26 July 2012 at 05:47 , Blogger Ellen Arnison said...

Big sloppy kisses on both cheeks for this. Thank you.

At 26 July 2012 at 05:54 , Blogger The Kraken said...

A big mwwwwaah right back at you Ellen!

At 26 July 2012 at 07:17 , Blogger James Newhouse said...

Well said ;)

If I so much as grumble about something to do with my kid, I'm met with the same thing on all sides and usually from people who've done F all with their lives too.

At 26 July 2012 at 07:34 , Blogger The Kraken said...

James, James, James...they are but humourless fools who wouldn't know life if it bit them on the arse and spat out the bits. We must rejoice in our grumblings if only to piss them off even further.


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