The Dark Age

A small, small man

Dennis Waterman. What a complete and utter fucker. I would like to go even further and use the C-word but I fear for the heart rates of some of my readers. Anyway, like I said, fucker. 
Why, pray? Cop a load of this stool water that, sadly, parade as real quotes from the vile Waterman's mouth: 
Of ex-wife Rula Lenska: "She certainly wasn't a beaten wife, she was hit and that's different."
and
"It's not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her."
and
"The problem with strong, intelligent women is that they can argue, well."
and
 "I'm actually quite Victorian in that way. It's been suggested that I'm chauvinistic but i don't think I am, I'm just...I think there is a place for women at home."
There really aren't words to describe this bunch of bollocks is there? Oh, oh hold on, I've managed to find some. And at the risk of incurring Waterman's ire with my display of feminine intelligence here are some answers to his questionable opinions:
"She certainly wasn't a beaten wife, she was hit and that's different." 
What a stunning display of semantics, Den love. Is that the same as you talking shit but not saying shit? Or humming the theme tune rather than singing it? Buy a dictionary, you dull, dull fuck.
" It's not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her."  
Ah, but the other half of the black n blue equation is that it's not difficult if the man in question is a woman-hating, enraged, frustrated, retarded, uncontrollable has-been actor. Spot the weakness, Dennis. Go on, have a go.
"The problem with strong, intelligent women is that they can argue, well."
Well, let's face it, Den would have a problem with women of any level of intelligence, seeing that even pond slime could out-argue his laughable reasoning. Jesus, he'd walk into a fruit n veg shop and feel outwitted.
"I'm actually quite Victorian in that way. It's been suggested that I'm chauvinistic but i don't think I am, I'm just...I think there is a place for women at home."
For once I agree Dennis. There is a place for women at home. Ideally standing behind the front door with a loaded gun, waiting for backward-thinking fuckers like you to return.
Twat.