Sticks up arses

Life's a bitch, ain't it?

In my local coffee shop today (Hoffi Coffi, Treforest, for connersewers) I witnessed the latest Eminem vid. And it got me to thinking about those celebs who need to lighten the fuck up. Here’s the tip of my iceberg:

Eminem
Marsh, Mate, is this angry young man shit going to go on for much longer? I mean, spittling on about how hard it is to drag your pasty carcass up from da streets is wearing a bit thin now that you’re wiping your arse on $50 notes.

Chris Martin

Look it’s bad enough that you churn out tinkly bollocks under the name of Cold Patrol/ Snow Play (interchangeable middle class angst if ever I heard it). Do you have to bang the fuck on about cocoa farmers in some distant corner of Costa Rica while you are at it? No. So don’t.

Bon(i)o

You short arsed, jaw-jutting, be-trilbied, shade-draped twat. You want to feed the fucking world? The stop telling me to cough up and flog your frigging soapbox collection instead.

Darcus Howe

Darcus, Darcus, Darcus...I’m sick to fuck of hearing you banging on so God knows how you must feel. If I had to listen to your self-satisfied ranting for as long as you’ve been doing it I’d pour Domestos into my ears. And no, that’s not cos you is black. It’s cos you’re a bell-end.

Peter Tatchell

OK, OK, you’ve done your bit for LGBT (ABCDEFG...) rights but what’s with the permanent frigging outrage? How the fuck haven’t you sicked up your own appendix with your fury yet?

Jeremy Vine

Oh, it’s not enough to hijack Radio 2 for two hours every lunchtime is it? No, it’s not. You have to come over all Daily Mail about it n’all. Mate, you’re this close from banning your own show for being full of shit. Wish you would.