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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Someone Needs to Learn
"La la la la la la!"
Now, when it comes to parenting I'm a great believer in not having a fucking clue what I am doing. Yet, there are those moments when you just know that you can't be nearly as crap as someone else. 
Take today's experience as an example. I can't give too many details so suffice it to say that the following debacle occurred while on a school trip of three year olds with Kraken Junior. 
The tale begins on a coach...

Mother: "Tyson, we're getting off the coach in a minute. Put your coat on please."
Tyson: "No."
Mother: "Put your coat on."
Tyson: "No."
Mother: "Put your coat on! Now!"
Tyson: "No."
Tyson takes off his coat.
Mother: "I said put your coat on!"
Tyson: "No!"
Mother (louder): "Yes!"
Tyson: "No!"
Mother (louder) : "Yes!"
Tyson: "No!"
Mother (shouting): "If you don't put on your coat we're not getting off the coach!"
Tyson throws his coat on the floor. Mother relents and lets him get off the coach.

Mother: "Tyson, sit still to eat your sandwiches."
Tyson: "No." 
Tyson walks off with a crust in his hand.
Mother: "Get back here Tyson."
Tyson: "No."
Mother: "I said get back here!"
Tyson keeps walking.
Mother: (hollering): "Right, get back here or you can't go into the castle!"
Tyson: "OK."
Mother: "I'm bloody sick of you!"
Mother takes Tyson into the castle.

Mother: "Tyson, I've told you already, it's time to go home."
Tyson: "Don't wanna go home!"
Mother: "We're going home, now."
Tyson: "No!"
Mother: "Get here now!"
Tyson (shrieking): "Naaaaooooooo!"
Mother picks Tyson off the ground as he screams. Tyson starts kicking.
Mother: "Tyson! I'm bloody sick of you!"
Tyson: "Wanna stay!"
Mother: "Just shut it! Shut it!"
Tyson: "Arrrrrrgh! Arrrrrrgh! Nooooooo!"
Mother: "Right, that's it! I've had it! We're never going to a castle again!"
Tyson is bundled onto the coach by a teacher who immediately calms him. Mother steadfastly refuses to be mortified at her astounding lack of parental control. Well, fuck me. Someone needed a stiff lesson in discipline today and it sure as shit wasn't young Tyson.

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