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The Kraken Wakes...

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Faux Fun
Fetch me the cricket bat
I, The Kraken, must have lost my fucking marbles. Yesterday Kraken Junior should have gone to school dressed as a Fairy or Scary (how's that for a PC alternative to Halloween? Jesus). Course, I and the Conjugal Kraken completely forgot until hometime when KJ told us that everyone else had dressed up except her.
Well, fuck me if, in a fit of guilt, I promised that I'd spend today making her any costume she liked. Talk about over-frigging-compensating. It made sense when I was weeping over her mournful face. It made one fuck of a lot less sense this morning when I was bound to my promise.
And do you know what costume KJ wanted me to make? A rat. But not just any rat, no. A pink and yellow rat, dressed as a fairy. Course, I dangled the carrot of a Halloween witch, a pumpkin or a ghoul in the hope that Asda could come to my rescue. Ha. Like that worked.
So what have I done with my Saturday afternoon? Dragged KJ through fabric shops on the hunt for vermin-like fur (before she plumped for lurid pink fleece), hacked the living shit out of a cereal box to make a rat mask (whose ears were too small, KJ announced) and sewed a black button nose onto said mask (via the nail bed of my left index finger). I even wrestled with the hot pink sequins that KJ found, making her look like the Shirley Bassey of the sewers.
And what do you think KJ said when I presented her with her verminous disguise? 
"Can I have a hamster costume instead?"
Tell me, is it OK to say "fuck" in front of a three year old?

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