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Saturday, 30 June 2012

Rolling in It
'Avin a Faaaag
Whoa there! So, pillow-faced pop warbler Adele is up le duff. Welcome to the flap-fooffed club, Adele love. Believe me, it's going to do some real damage to that 24 years of yours. May I suggest that your next album is called I'm 24 but Look Forty-Fucking-Eight?
Bearing in mind that her last album, 21, was all about the break-up of her relationship and that her private life is a searing pit of inspiration for her songs, does this mean that her next chart-botherer will be about her skirmish with childbirth? 
Well, if it is, based upon 21's track listing, this is what it'll sound like... 

Rolling in the Deepest, Tongue Exploding, Arse-Ripping Agony

Rumour Has It That This'll Really Fucking Destroy My Social Life, Sex Life, Career...

Turning Babies With a Midwife's Hand Shoved Up My Love Tunnel

Don't You Ever Touch Me Again You Bastard

Set Fire to the Pain Because I'd Like to Die Now Please. Please?

He Won't Go Even Though I'm Pushing Like an Overheating Tractor

Take It All: Baby, Uterus, Ovaries, Flaps, the Lot...

I'll Be Waiting for the Next Nine What?

One and Only Because I'm Never Fucking Ever Doing This Again

Lovesong? Well It Has To Be Better Than That Fucking Whale Music

Someone With a Ventouse

Personally, I'm looking forward to this being perpetually on the Radio 2 playlist. Happy to be pregnant, Adele, dearie? Just let me know if you want to amend that after the first contraction.


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