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Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Dawn Chorus
Yeah, you're laughing now...
Whoa! Just came out of my shed where Radio 2's Steve Wright kindly regaled me with Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing amongst other popular music choices. Having never bothered to listen to the song before, I've just realised the complete fucking outrageousness of the lyrics. No, no, no I don't mean the bits where Marv, ahem, bangs on about wanting a shag. But the part where he hounds his, undoubtedly knackered, ladyfriend with his "wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up..." and "get up, get up, get up, get up..." for the purposes of said procreative activity.
Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Haaaaaaa! Marv, mate, are you frigging kidding me with this stuff? Wake up? Get up? Jesus, are you seriously telling me that you've woken up at 3am with a semi and considered it a good idea to nudge the missus until she's wide awake just to ask for a happy finish? 
Fuckadoodle do. Marv had a shed load of kids too so bare in mind he was harassing the women who probably had, just hours before, exhaustedly collapsed into bed after a day of funnelling baby vom, spilling shitty nappies, singing The Wheels on the Bus and generally talking to one-year olds as if someone had kicked their brains to death.
And after all of that he thought it a good idea to wake them up and ask for a shag? I'll tell you something, had I been one of Marv's good lady wives he'd have needed more than sexual healing after coming at me with a woody at 3am. He'd have needed gender reassignment surgery and a good defence lawyer.
Either Sexual Healing is a testament to how utterly out of touch Marv was when it comes to the perils of mothering or it's a towering monument to a man who didn't know when to stop pushing his luck.
In fact it's a miracle that Marvin Gaye was shot by his father. Personally, had I ever woken to Marv's nudgings after endless hours of dribbling my own tit milk down my front I'd have taken a fucking gun to him myself.
Perhaps Marvin should have recorded Afternoon Delight instead, at least hedging his bets that his woman had two minutes to spare before the school run. Or perhaps Morning has Broken, with Broken being a direct reference to what would be left of him should I ever have received a stupid o'clock booty call. Yup, heal that, Gaye m'boy, heal that.



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