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The Kraken Wakes...

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

A Child's Portion?
Dry heave on the count of three
Shit on a shovel! I, The Kraken, witnessed a harrowing sight today while scoffing lunchtime fodder in Frankie and Benny's. And I'll be fucked if you'll see it on a Disney channel anytime soon...
A boy n a girl came in and plonked themselves opposite Conjugal Kraken, Kraken Junior and myself while we were face down in the trough. Now these kids were aged about 11 although fuck knows what their real ages were. With those Bieber-like mops they could have been heavily disguised 50-something train drivers. Anyhoo, after shoving themselves into a booth they proceeded fumble with their Blackberries before fumbling with each other. Aye, fumbling, of the conjugal kind. So far, so Kidulthood. Then the waiter came over and you know what they did? In the manner befitting two young loves enchanted with each others' nooks and crannies they ordered the children's menu.
The children's menu! But seconds before ordering their chicken nuggets and fruit juice they'd been re-ordering their own chicken nuggets in the privacy of their own crotches. I didn't know whether to offer them teeny tiny condoms or extra large crayons. I'd have handed them a wet wipe although fuck knows what they'd have done with it.
It was like witnessing the crossfire of childhood and adulthood. I dare say that they're tucked up in bed by now (8pm) although I hope to Christ it's not with each other. I mean, where the fuck will the teddy bear sleep?

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