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Thursday, 26 January 2012

Pop Picking
Al would turn on his table
Look, explain something to me, will you? Which is Beyonce's/ Rihanna's/ Gaga's latest single again? See, I haven't got a frigging clue because they churn them out at such a rate of knots that I fear they're colluding to create a new measurement of speed.
Just how hard do these people work? When do they ever get to take a shit? Jesus, Beyonce's been knocked up since last summer (until recently) and suddenly she's got so many singles out that I fear she's given birth to a child made of vinyl. And as for Rihanna, she's been around for the last 20 minutes but already seems to have enough released singles for a bloody box set.
I just can't keep up with them. Can you imagine what their record management meetings are like? They must consist of shiny-suited music execs pushing miniature figures of Bey/ Ri/ Whoever across a table-top map of the globe, like domination hungry Nazis, as they bark at each other about the military-like timing of the next release.
Worse, they're on a loop on TV's music channels. At any given time you can grab yourself an eyeful of Rihanna's waggling or Beyonce's jiggling just because they're never, ever off the bloody telly. Seriously, if aliens tuned into MTV they'd weep for us based on the fact that we seem to have a total of three singers worldwide.
Thing is, this lot just don't have to work this hard, do they. Don't they ever demand a break? Do they ever look at their musical achievements and think,"Fuck it. I've done my bit. I'm pissing off to the Bali dope trail for a year". Or do they live with some terrible fear that if they don't release a single fortnightly the world will forget about them in a fit of global amnesia? Christ, Grand National horses don't get flogged this hard. If I were RiRi or Bey I'd start demanding a nosebag.
Anyway, if they take a break then we'll get a break. There's only so much more of these singers that I can stand before I start pouring concrete into my ears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, RiRi, you found love in a hopeless place. Just stop fucking banging on about it will you? And yeah, Bey, finally he's put your love on top. Perhaps it was in an effort to get you to shut the fuck up.
Laydees, spare me. Girl power is one thing but girl omnipresence is doing my head in. Change the bloody record, will you?



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