What Are You?

No thanks. I'm already
a member of  the Wombles

Pretty arsed off actually. Why? Today's The Times carried one of those really fucking irritating features which insists on wedging its readership into pigeon holes. It was all about the "new tribes" in British society and begged readers to find out whether they were such ridiculous things as Retronauts, Craftivists, Girl Geeks...whetever the fuck else the desperate editor could come up with to fill a worrying amount of white space 20 mins before deadline.
Who in the frig reads this shit? Seriously, does anyone actually read articles like this in the hope that by the end of it they'll have been duly labelled as one thing or another? If they do, I'm afraid they're really fucking weird. Apart from the fact that these pigeon holes are the work of one hack sitting at one desk in one newsroom they are, of course, non-bloody-existent. 
Take the bollocks I saw in a magazine a few weeks ago, imploring its female readers to decide whether they were yummy mummies/ slummy mummies/ Myra Hindley. Excuse me? So it's no longer enough that I'm a depressed working mother who is all things to all people? Suddenly I have to belong to some fucking clan or other? Jesus, is that supposed to give me hope because the reality is that it makes despair. 
Look, idiots, I don't want a label thank you. I don't want you to tell me what I am supposed to be. I'll sodding well decide what I am and right now it's this far from nipping up to the News International offices and introducing someone to a large pointy stick. Oh, and a 'tribe' called 'patronising gimps'.