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Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Flight of Fancy
I feel your pain
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, KLM, abso-fucking-lutely no. It has been brought to my attention that the airline KLM has launched Meet & Seat, a service that allows fellow passengers to view your Facebook and LinkedIn profiles and then find out where you are sitting on the flight you are sharing. You know, just in case they fancy passing the time by indulging in a little light harassment.
Oh my giddy God, what in the fuck is KLM thinking? That it just doesn't carry enough stalkers on its flights? Or that not enough passengers end up sitting next to people they hate? Ok, so you have to sign up to this service to allow fellow passengers to see photos of you snogging at last year's Christmas party on Facebook but why the fuck would anyone do that? Even in the name of networking and good business practice are you really going to leave yourself open to the wiles of any old crotch grabber who happens to share the flight with you?
Worse, the service is currently only available on flights from Amsterdam to New York, San Francisco and Sao Paulo. You know what that means, don't you? That you won't be lumbered with some business obsessed bell-end for just an hour. No, no, no. You'll be forced to make small talk over your poxy in-flight catering for anything up to eleven hours. Eleven fucking hours!
Christ, I feel the need of a scalding shower just thinking about it. Imagine settling in for a long flight with a good book and pressure socks only to have some nutbag with a comb-over give you the hard sell on some new breed of semiconductor all the way to San Francisco? Sod the added security. I'd chew my way into the cockpit and plunge the plane into a nosedive with my own bloody hands.
And what's with this need to make every second of every day profitable or valuable or useful? What in the frig is wrong with just watching a film, listening to music or reading a book? Christ, do we even have to be networking at 3am somewhere over the Atlantic?
Oh, spare me KLM, spare me. If I wanted to spend the best part of 12 hours with a loon I'd catch a bus to Broadmoor. I sure as fuck wouldn't pay your inflated prices to do it. No. I'd use that money to buy a seat with a security guard instead.



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